Filmmaking and Girlfriends

[Guest Daniel J. Ashley-Smith]

Well I'm sure most people want to see their wives every day at first. But the primise that you make at the wedding is not about how you are going to feel in 10 or 20 years. You can't promise feelings. The promise is about decisions. You decide to be there and love her till death, even if the feelings go away. It may sound like a paradox, but love is much more than just a passive feeling that you get when you are in a good mood.

Love is an attitude, a code of honor, a sacrifice, a deeper feeling.

 

I'm just saying that if you only rely on your guts and let those feelings of wanting this or wanting that control you, you may have problems in that marriage, because those feelings will not be the same at the begining and later on, and you must have something larger connecting you with that person than just those temorary feelings.

 

If you really let yourself love someone beyond the passive feeling of "falling in love" , then no amount of time spent would make you sick of that person.

 

If you do get sick of that person, then obviously you have been relying on the wrong kind of feelings, than are only temorary and are not real love.

 

Would you get sick of your mother and father after spending 18 yeas with them, growing up? No

Why? Because you really love them.

Unless the same kind of love is present in a marriage (the kind that goes beyond sex and "falling in love"), there can be problems later on when the fire goes colder because a good marriage is more than just fire between a woman and a man, it is a deep friendship also.

 

Yeh but loving a women is different loving your parents. I hate to say it but looks in a women are probably the most important thing for me, so long as they are nice and sociable. Yeh so what if I sound like a complete dog at least if I found someone good looking who was also nice at least I know I could get along with them for the rest of my life, and yes I would remain loyal, I just have snobbish demands. Each to his own, so what if I'm not perfect and love girls for what they are inside. Although sociable and nice is a must, couldn't stand living with some pikey from Ireland even if she did have huge knockers.

 

(Btw before you start going "How the hell are you EVER going to get a girl friend, I already have one. And yeh we get along perfectly. We don't spend too much time together, have never argued yet, she's into pretty much the same stuff as I'm into, so yeh we are also great friends.)

Edited January 4, 2006 by Daniel J. Ashley-Smith

[Filip Plesha]

Love in the broader sense of the word is universal. Yes, a mother has certain feelings toward her child, and a brother has certain feelings toward his sister, and a man has certain feelings toward a woman, and all these feelings are different, but these feelings are defined by different biological relations between people (mating, parenting, protection, teaming up in the heard etc. etc.)

But when you remove the biological side of all these relationships, what you get is one universal form of love between two minds that is unaffected by gender or age.

 

Here is a proof of what I'm saying.

 

In normal times, you feel differently about your wife and your sister, because you feel attracted to your wife and you love your sister "like a sister". But then one of them is in danger and almost got killed, and you save her and hug her, and feel so grateful that she is alive.

In those moments the love you feel is the same wheather this woman was your sister or your wife.

In those "naked" moments when we forget about all other things in life, your wife, your brother, your father are all just "loved ones", and the love you feel for them is the same kind of love.

After you saved your wife from a train or something like that, you are not going to be thinking about sex in that moment, you are going to hold her with the same kind of affection that a brother feels for a brother, or a friend for a friend. In those moments her gender, or ther body won't matter to you, she is just a dear creature that you love.

[Stephen Williams]

And yeh we get along perfectly. We don't spend too much time together, have never argued yet,

 

Hi,

 

That made me laugh!

 

Stephen

[Joshua Provost]

My wife of nearly five years has done hair, makeup, wardrobe (and lots of grunt work) on all twelve short films I have directed and/or DP'd. She's also been on-screen in some capacity in most of them. She's the best partner you could ask for.

 

Her only complaint relates to reading too many forums. :)

[Marty Hamrick]

Try having a small child and another on the way.

 

I'll see your small child,only my youngest isn't so small anymore and a teenager with a baby.This is where support at home is crucial,sucks when you're trying to juggle that solo and still work.

 

Congratulations again Mitch!Best wishes to you and your new family in the New Year. :D

[David Sweetman]

Well I'm sure most people want to see their wives every day at...

 

I percieve that your words are wisdom.

 

I hate to say it but looks in a women are probably the most important thing for me...

 

I percieve that your words are foolishness.

[Max Jacoby]

I hate to say it but looks in a women are probably the most important thing for me, so long as they are nice and sociable.

It strikes me that your taste in women is identical to your taste in movies.

[Dominik Muench]

i met my girlfriend at the filmschool, so she is kind of in the same business, shes more into concept and story board art (so if anyone needs a great illustrator let em know ;) but she also DPed onf a few projects and she knows what it means to be on set.

[Guest Daniel J. Ashley-Smith]

Well at the end of the day I'm the one sitting here with a fit girl so, what do I care? We get along perfectly, we're both happy, so if my thoughts on relationships are so bad then how comes I'm doing so well.

[Filip Plesha]

Well at the end of the day I'm the one sitting here with a fit girl so, what do I care? We get along perfectly, we're both happy, so if my thoughts on relationships are so bad then how comes I'm doing so well.

 

 

You don't know how well you are doing. Would she give life to save yours? Would she love you even if you lost both your legs? Would she take care of you if you had a progressive neural illness and you were drooling every few seconds in a wheelchair?

Would you do all that for her?

 

She will not always be fit, and one day you won't even have a libido to care.

[Ben Schwartz]

To be honest, I'm always amazed to see people in this business make long-term relationships work. I've lost count of all the divorced gaffers, grips and AC's I've encountered on sets. I think a lot of people haven't been as fortunate as Mr. Mullen in finding a life partner who is fully understanding and sympathetic to the insane schedule that filmmaking demands. I myself lost my fiancee last year, due in large part to the fact that I didn't spend enough QT with her, she became closer to her friends than to me and we gradually grew apart. A story as old as the movies.

Edited January 5, 2006 by Ben Schwartz

[Keith Mottram]

Well at the end of the day I'm the one sitting here with a fit girl so, what do I care?

 

lets see a picture or do you want us to take your word for it?

 

Jessica Alba (using keith's account)

[Guest Daniel J. Ashley-Smith]

You don't know how well you are doing. Would she give life to save yours? Would she love you even if you lost both your legs? Would she take care of you if you had a progressive neural illness and you were drooling every few seconds in a wheelchair?

Would you do all that for her?

 

Yes! That's just it!

 

I don't see what everyones problem is here, we're happy so I don't actually give a damn what anyone else says here, advice is one thing but this is another.

 

And no I don't really want to post a picture of my girlfriend on here with weirdos about. Call me cocky or whatever you like because I don't actually care.

 

My point, I'll say it again because people here don't know how to listen:

 

Spending time apart can be good because when you see too much of each other you can start arguing. That is IT. You have a problem with that?

 

Cocky? Who the hell are you? What makes you think I would want a tutorial from yourself?

Edited January 5, 2006 by Daniel J. Ashley-Smith

[Riku Naskali]

I've seen too many aspiring guys just not getting anywhere because of their family ties. Awesome guys who have settled for regular job to provide income and stay home a lot. Feels bad someone gives up their dreams because someone else said or wanted so.

 

Getting a rich, supportive wife would be ideal, though. But I find it quite impossible that someone can fully support lifestyle like this.

 

But then again I'm not a relationship-type guy. I enjoy women a lot, but on small doses :D

[Dominik Muench]

At first I attributed it to the fact that maybe some guys are intimidated by girls with tool belts.

 

 

theres nothing wrong with toolbelts annie, as long as its a nice dark grey or black sexy cinebag :)

 

besides, its not about whats in the bag but how you use it....ehm or do i mix something up there ?

[Guest Daniel J. Ashley-Smith]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, in a nutshell.

[Stephen Williams]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, in a nutshell.

 

Hi,

 

Well if you come back from a 14 week shoot and she's not waiting don't be suprised!

 

Stephen

[Filip Plesha]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, in a nutshell.

 

 

if the heart is fond in the first place, that is :unsure:

[Guest Daniel J. Ashley-Smith]

Well, it's the industry we chose. However I'm practically on the brink of giving up film altogether, as much as I hate to say it. But no my "other half" still won't benefit from it because I'm thinking about the Royal Navy which again means, large amounts of time away.

[Filip Plesha]

Well, it's the industry we chose. However I'm practically on the brink of giving up film altogether, as much as I hate to say it. But no my "other half" still won't benefit from it because I'm thinking about the Royal Navy which again means, large amounts of time away.

 

 

lol, so all this was just a phase?

So you'll be now hanging on Royal navy forums? :P

[Greg Gross]

I suppose the best advice anyone can give anybody about being successful in the film industry, is to

just keep on doing it. Obviously if you give up or quit-Fini,The End. My girlfriend is a graduate of a Phil-

adelphia film school. I am not a graduate of a film school but a long time professional photographer. I

find that she usually gives me good advice and she's really good at drawing a complicated story board

for me. She does give me hell about using stick figures on a story board. She slept on the set with me

when I did my first dv feature(believe me not a hit!). She had the coffee going when I woke up in the

morning. When I go away to shoot I miss her but we stay in touch on the cell phone. I do like independ-

ent women. Sometimes she goes with me when I go away but then again she has her own projects to do.

I really believe she will make it some day as its too late for me. Maybe I'll be able to visit her sets when

she makes it. I drive a KIA Sportage which I have highly modified with an suv special package and its hot.

Stephanie gets pissed off at me because I can cream her honda pilot from a stand-still. I do not know where

it is all going but I do appreciate her and cherish her. I do not set her lights and she does not set mine,that

is one place where the line is drawn. Good Night,Best Of Luck and Keep Your Cameras Warm This Winter!

 

Greg Gross

[Tomas Koolhaas]

Hi,

I don't think anyone should judge Daniel too harshly, each to their own etc..etc.. Also it seems Daniel is a young geezer in England (something I was myself not too many years back) and there's nothing more important to them than "Fit Birds" trust me that's all I cared about from the ages of 16-20 too!! But I think what we are mostly talking about here is the sort of relationships that can survive the high pressure environmet of being a working professional, and no offense, but relationships that are based on the need to be apart constantly to avoid getting sick of each other, or simply on physical appearence don't usually have the structural integrity to withstand those kinds of pressure (trust me I know, I was in a few myself). But that's fine, at Daniel's age he probably isn't ready for that kind of relationship, which is fine and completely understandable (niether was I at that age). However at 20 I met my current girlfriend who I have been with for 6 years, and this is what showed me what it really means to "Share your life" with someone, there's no running away, hiding things or escaping when things get tough (not if you want it to work anyway). And just as Mitch and others, my girlfriend works in film aswell (production Designer/Art Director- Very Talented) and on many productions with me. At first I was worried about working together but actually it was great, not only were we already on the same page and had infinate time to discuss the project and combine the art direction and cinematography very organically, but we served as a very strong support system for each other on the tougher shoots particularly, this is not to say we were hugging all the time or anything, but just looking across and seeing someone's smiling face who inherently loves and supports you and understands all your innermost thoughts is very comforting when a shoot gets rough (as many do). One particular shoot was plagued by insecurity and pettiness on the part of the Director and 1st AD, and without my girlfriend's support on that shoot I would have had a much harder job taking so much crap without getting really upset or angry.

I also wanted to say that I think this is the best topic recently on this forum, far better than all the hyperbolic rhetoric and personal attacks that have been far to frequent in recent topics.

Cheers.

Edited January 5, 2006 by Tomas Haas

[Guest Daniel J. Ashley-Smith]

lol, so all this was just a phase?

So you'll be now hanging on Royal navy forums? :P

 

Maybe it was just a phase, strongest phase I've had yet. Thing is I'd love to follow my dreams, but maybe it's just time I got back to reality. I can get sponsored to go to university by the Royal Navy, so I can enter with a degree, which will pay off because I will get rapid promotion, which will mean more money.

 

I was thinking of doing that, and keeping all my dreams as hobbys, although I don't want to.

 

But yeh no doubt I'm gonna be hangin round some Navy forum soon. Singing "In the Navy... Yes you" no... don't even go there Daniel...

Edited January 5, 2006 by Daniel J. Ashley-Smith

[Annie Wengenroth]

Before I start sending out photos of myself in my tool belt (which I have basically slept in for about 3 days, it's starting to chafe...), I will add one more thought. The people who really respect and care about what you do in this business, are the ones who will never question the fact that maybe you don't sleep or eat regularly. They gently remind you to eat or take a nap when you can and they often begin their voicemail messages with "You're probably on set, but..."

 

This is why I love my parents and my closest friends, because they see what this means to me and they trust that I will make the decisions which are best for me. I broke up with a boyfriend because he accused me of being more in love with the camera than with him. Initially I was thinking that he could probably fall down, endure extreme temperatures, and withstand hits more readily than most cameras so therefore it was an unfair comparison, but I kept my mouth shut...

 

I held my best friend as she sobbed hysterically about how her Lighting and Field professor wants her to do everything on the project and how she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life after film school because she's afraid she won't make it. One of my friends extended a similar favor to me when I completely cracked after a very stressful shoot and realized that sometimes, you can't control everything. I snotted all over his jacket and was mortified to be seen crying so hard, let alone crying at all...but we still talk to each other and he has remained a pillar of support for me. :)

 

We all hold each other up. Today on set when the camera operator had a terrible migraine, 3 different people went to find aspirin and water, myself included. It's kind of like being in combat sometimes. If you can't handle people when they are shaking with anxiety, in tears with exhaustion, or, for that matter, elated with the joy of getting a perfect take....find something else to do!

 

I think this is an interesting topic of discussion and one that doesn't get brought up enough. I think more people need to be tuned in to each other in order to live and work in peace without arguing or getting angry. Now that I really consider it, being on set and working in my school's equipment checkout have allowed me to learn how to "read" people better. It has made me think differently about the art of communication and how important it is. As much as I strive to become a better camera assistant, I also strive to use my "AC skills" to become a better person.

 

For the record, it is a black Lindcraft 2" belt which I have had to cut a considerable amount of excess off...with a grey and orange Cinebag pouch on the left, a black tape measure/Palm Pilot pouch on the right, a water bottle/canned air pouch on the back, a pair of gloves, and a flashlight holster. The rest goes in the cargo pants pockets. In fact I occasionally end up with a bruise on the outside of my left knee because of my measuring tape hitting my leg, but such is the nature of combat. :D

 

I'm reluctant to bring it up because it seems slightly off-topic and I swear it's not a ploy to get dates, but I sort of feel like the couple who plays together, stays together...I guess with that in mind, it'd be more fun to date a fellow AC than to date a 9-to-5 desk jockey, but that's just how I feel and other people may have different opinions! It does seem that a fair amount of people on this board have found love within the film industry, which is really cool. And now I sound like a hippie so I'll stop...

[Tomas Koolhaas]

Maybe it was just a phase, strongest phase I've had yet. Thing is I'd love to follow my dreams, but maybe it's just time I got back to reality. I can get sponsored to go to university by the Royal Navy, so I can enter with a degree, which will pay off because I will get rapid promotion, which will mean more money.

 

I was thinking of doing that, and keeping all my dreams as hobbys, although I don't want to.

 

But yeh no doubt I'm gonna be hangin round some Navy forum soon. Singing "In the Navy... Yes you" no... don't even go there Daniel...

 

Hi,

If you are going into the service for the UK you should think about the BRMs (British Royal Marines) a couple of my friends from back home joined and they love it (even though they are in the thick of everything). I nearly joined when I was younger but luckily for me I decided to go a different route.

I think they technically are part of the navy aswell, I cant remember. It'll be more dangerous but probably more rewarding than the regular navy, unless you really love ships.

Cheers.