Hey Jonny,
Not bad at all and you said this is your first film you lit yourself? That's very promising.
Before I let you know what I think please note that this is just my humble opinion :)
I really think you're in the right track. Some DPs shoot their first film and you know they're going to need a lot of work to improve their craft. I think you got great instincts on where to put the light. The only thing I would say is that, although it's decent lighting, it's quite safe, NOT boring, just safe so it'll be hard to stand out from the growing number of DPs.
I'd be curious to see what you come up next :)
- Mark