"Get Away" short screenplay

[Mark Williams]

(Mark, what did you have in mind?)

 

Rick at the beginning of the thread you mentioned some one could use this to make a film in return for giving you a credit and a copy?

 

Of course this depends if I can get the right people to play the parts I think thats essential :)

 

Best wishes

 

Mark

[James Steven Beverly]

(Mark, what did you have in mind?)

 

Wow, this is serious. I didn't expect all this when I woke up this morning.

 

I have to say I do understand everyone's point of view, even the Captain's. I sent this to two writer friends and the general consesus is either you see it clearly or you have some serious problems with it.

 

I believe it all comes down to vision or maybe aligning your vision to someone else's. I do not mean this as a flaw, please let me explain.

 

The other day I stumbled upon the script to the "Pirates of the Carribean." A movie I love, a movie I saw five times in the theatre and hundreds of times on DVD. I even have the soundtrack. I know every word, scene angle, cut, everything. If I was stuck on an island with a big screen tv and dvd player and allowed one DVD, I might pick this one. It's one of the top three. I love everything about the movie, the story, the visuals, the pacing, the characters. Keira Knightly is hot, Johnny Depp is very entertaining, Orlando Bloom does pretty good, and the rest of the characters.

 

So anyway, when I happily stumbled onto this script and started reading it, I was shocked when the words were dead on the screen. They had no life what's so ever. They didn't scream out at me. I may as well been reading one of the millions of movie scripts littered on the internet. I was shocked, how could this be the move I cherish? It came down to, I didn't see it. It happens to everyone. We're all different. I didn't have the vision that the movie turned out to be, not even close. It was almost scary.

 

I'm sure you can argue I may have been comparing what I read to the movie. Naw, I felt no connection between what I was reading and the movie. I realized the producers and directors and everyone else for that matter added their vision to the story, whether in art or acting.

 

So, now we're back here to "The Get Away" haha, what a funny name. I believe and think this story is good, and if done, the producer/director would add his vision to the mix, as well as the characters. Could it be tweaked? Ofcourse, but I believe the root story, the premise, is strong. I can easily picture it in my mind as I read it. But that's just me and a few others.

 

Thanks all for your time. I do welcome your posts. :D

 

Rick

 

Film is definately a colaberative effort and I do not mean to say your primese is without merit. I simply mean to say that the script still needs work in my opinion. In the most general terms, always remember the story is the foundation. If atisians build a beauitful mansion on sand, the building will collapse dispite it's grandness, so always make your story as strong as possible. This is a tenet of screen writing, all literature really. I have not read the script for Pirates but I'll bet there are evident rewrites in the finished film. Also this is a characture piece in that it relies almost exclusively on the actor who plays Jack Sparrow. In Johnny Depp you have one of the top 5 living actors in the world. He is more than capible of taking a mildly good script and raising it to another level. This film would probably not have been even close to the enjoyable expirence it was with another actor in the lead role. But take what you can use from this and ignor the rest. in the end, what's on the page is you decission and there is no substitute for expirence. I would suggest you get 3 actors and have a line reading. You will see right away if the piece works or not.

Edited February 25, 2006 by Capt.Video

[elvworks]

Rick how about at the end when the thief has left the car and brat is stressing about not being paid for the gas He looks down and says well I could always take it outa there.. Camera pans down to the robbers loot that hes forgotton and notices the mask on the seat next minute a siren sounds with a quick blast to let the kid know to pullover.. Kid looks at the money looks at the mask looks at the police officer aproaching and says something along the lines of Its not my day today cut to the robber resting and puffing kid running from afar HEY wait up You forgot something the robber tries to run but knows he cant out run the brat he sees the officer and a look of panic comes across his face then he sees the panic on the brats face and he smiles.. END..

 

Hi Mark,

 

That's funny. The Robber thinks he's in the clear and finally rid of this kid but here in the distance comes this kid running after him. The Robber would have to leave something else behind though because then we lose the comical EXT shot of him running away from the car still wearing his mask and holding the bag of money. (Plus he can't take off his mask because that would enable the kid to I.D. him and even the kid doesn't want that). It would be funny though. So we can just add something else the Robber would leave behind.

 

 

Rick at the beginning of the thread you mentioned some one could use this to make a film in return for giving you a credit and a copy?

 

Of course this depends if I can get the right people to play the parts I think thats essential :)

 

Best wishes

 

Mark

 

Yeah, I'm down. That's all I was hoping for, for someone to make it if they wanted. We can go back and forth via e-mail, see what has to be worked on and you'll have a completed script and the freedom and flexibility to adapt it as you see fit.

 

Presently, I changed the end to make it shorter (the one presently online), as opposed to the earlier version you read, but maybe something in the middle of the two would be just right for it.

 

So Mr. Williams, for the sake of not inundating our fellow forum friends with e-mails every time we add to this string, perhaps we should continue via e-mail. My e-mail is fieryphoenixe@yahoo.com

 

Film is definately a colaberative effort and I do not mean to say your primese is without merit. I simply mean to say that the script still needs work in my opinion.

 

I agree Capitan, I hope by the time it's all said and done, it would even get your seal of approval. :D

 

 

 

 

 

And special thanks to everyone on this thread. I will be printing out this thread and going through it to double check what I would have to change because I do appreciate everyone's comments. Also, if this short is made, I would definitely want all who contributed here to see it. A collaborative effort.

 

 

Rick

Edited February 25, 2006 by elvworks

[James Steven Beverly]

You don't need my approval, this is your baby, I'm just trying to help. I did have one thought though, what if when the roober gets out of the car while he's arguing with the kid. he stands very straight and yells thinking he's making his point, he starts to reach into the backseat from outside to get the money, the kid guns the car and takes off not actually trying to steal the money but because he angry w/ the robber. the robber stands for a moment still in the reaching position as the car zips out of frame, he slowly pulls off his mask and turns to see the car fading in the distance, He stands for a moment, very still, looking after the kid, he then sits on the curb leaning forward w/ his face in his hands and lays back on the sidewalk, draping the mask over his face, from beneath the mask we hear a quiet sob and sirens in the background. Quick cut to the kid laughing as he looks up to see out the rear view mirror. He then turns on the radio and starts headbangng to the song that comes on, cut to an exterior shot of the car weaving down the road. Fadeout. Just a suggestion.