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Films that just don't work


Guest Ian Marks

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Okay, back to the 80s.

 

Ghostbusters. I walked out . Couldn't stand to sit there. A gal I was asking out told me that it was

the funniest film she'd ever seen. I still liked her though.

 

That was Then This is Now. Emilio Estevez rewrote the ending to S.E. Hinton's novel and changed the

action his character takes at the end, seemingly to make him the hero. What a rip-off and insult to the

author.

 

Stripes. The first half, I thought hey, they're serious about this (that doesn't exclude it being funny)

and then it turned into a cartoon. My cousin, a lt. in the Marines, loved it though.

 

Risky Business. I like it a lot but the second half wasted what it could have been by going from sharp

satire to broad comedy. Live fish flopping out of the Porsche the next day when it's on the lift? Come on!

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The Truman Show failed through no fault of its own. All the trailers told you that everyone but Truman

knows that his life is a worldwide television show. So you watch it knowing that and it falls flat because

it's written and edited so that's a discovery for the audience to make with the character and since that

can't happen there's hardly any emotional connection possible as a viewer. The marketing of that movie

killed it. Sold tickets but destroyed it. Why not show the Superbowl on pay-per-view tape delay? Read

the newspaper first and get rid of the suspense.

 

National Treasure? Come on. that was fun.

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I also smoked a joint and was a bit paranoid when I saw the movie; I think that probably helped ;)

 

It is interesting to note that our 'state of mind' may alter our perceptions of the films we watch. Also, how we watch a film will affect us too - be it on a big screen in the theatre or on a small tv on dvd. Our age, life experiences and emotional state all come into play as well.

 

In fact, I think there are just too many variables involved to actually know what a good movie is. If filmmakers figured this out, we'd be rich. Obviously, none have. Even the great directors have flops every now and then which proves that it is very much a hit or miss situation with the film industry.

 

Getting back on topic.

 

For me, I'd have to say 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' had me scratching my head during and after the movie. I just didn't get it, I suppose. A very Brit sci-fi comedy following in the vein of Monty Python? I suppose the movie studios are now resorting to experimenting with mixing genres to see what kind of response they get from audiences.

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For me, I'd have to say 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' had me scratching my head during and after the movie. I just didn't get it, I suppose. A very Brit sci-fi comedy following in the vein of Monty Python? I suppose the movie studios are now resorting to experimenting with mixing genres to see what kind of response they get from audiences.

 

It just didn't translate well into a 2hr. movie. For myself and many others who were huge fans of the book, the radio series, and BBC TV series, it was a long time coming to see this one on the screen. And a huge disappointment when it finally did.

 

The original concept in book and radio form allowed for -- and thrived on -- the asides and departures from the linear storyline. And of course radio allowed for much more imagination to take place, since the material is fantasy based.

 

The TV series was fun because again it was a series (many hours), and the budget restriction to create such a fantastic universe led to a certain lo-fi charm. The sets and effects were so cheap you HAD to suspend your disbelief and use your imagination to follow along. (BTW, the TV series version of Marvin the Paranoid Android had a cameo in the film).

 

For audiences unfamiliar with the material, a condensed (and re-written) movie form the book probably wouldn't make any sense at all.

 

But I don't want to be one of those people who complains a certain movie "wasn't as good as the book." Of course not! It's not a book! It's a movie! In this case though, I don't think it ever should have been a movie. Not a single 2-hr one, at least.

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RE: Stripes & Ghostbusters

 

WOW. I've never heard anybody ever respond negatively to either of these movies (not to negate you're opinion). I always thought of the 80's to be a sort of grace period for comedies like these, which don't seem to be made anymore.

 

AI: The only time I've ever fallen asleep in a movie theatre, only to wake up and ask myself "Is this still going on!?!" I think that the last 4 or 5 of Speilberg's films ended about 30 min. after they should have. AI also begs the question: What would happen if Speilberg directed The Shining... "Yeah, I like the script, but we need a cuter kid!"

 

Pre-emptive strike: Click (starring Adam Sandler). I truly believe that the writers had a first draft bashed out by 9:15 AM and quickly deposited their paychecks at the bar. Seriously, this is the most cliched concept ever commited to celluloid.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Apologies to fans but I just cannot stand Sandler's standad movies. There was a lot of positive press about "Waterboy" and, for the life of me, I couldnt see what there was to like.

 

In terms of films that just dont work, you could build a library alone just of comic book translations that fail. Catwoman, Fantastic four, Captain America, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and many others fail because they seem to loose their way from the original source material. You appease the fanboys and you limit the audience unless you have a character with global appeal.

 

Adapting a novel must be incredibly tough but at least you have a fixed focus for a storyline. Many comic films try to distill an essence from up to 50yrs of weekly strips. The worst, the ones where I felt ill from embarrasment for the film-makers are:

 

The Phantom

Electra

Catwoman

Batman and Robin (though I do believe that only 95% of it was horrific)

Nick Fury: Agent of Shield - staring the HOFF

Judge Dread

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The Phantom

Electra

Catwoman

Batman and Robin (though I do believe that only 95% of it was horrific)

Nick Fury: Agent of Shield - staring the HOFF

Judge Dread

 

How could you leave out Daredevil? Or The Punisher? ;)

 

But where do we draw the line here, between movies that "didn't work" and those that just plain sucked?

 

Electra didn't work. Daredevil sucked!

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For me I'd go with The Life Aquatic. I do enjoy Anderson's films but they tend to have a sort of disjointed quality to them, and it really showed in this one. It struck me as being more a series of sketches than a proper film - I've seen it three or four times and I can remember specific moments but I can't for the life of me put them in order or remember what part they played in the plot. Considering it does this despite having a long list of dependable actors and actresses and the buzz of being Bill Murray's first big film after Lost In Translation, I'd argue it qualifies as a film that doesn't work. I'd also stick The Lady From Shanghai in there, but only because I can't get over Orson Welles' "accent".

 

James x

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Armaggedon - it had a great beginning - the fragments of meteors falling to the earth and causing damage was very well executed and photographed. However, the film took a nose dive as soon as 'the crew of miners' arrived on the scene to save the planet. From that point onwards it was just a series of bad jokes. There were a number of times in this film when a particular formula was used that got very tiresome very quickly where some major disaster would nearly extinguish the life of the crew and then they are saved from death and one of them would predictably respond with a corny one-liner.

 

Entrapment

Intersection (extremely boring)

Amistad

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For me I'd go with The Life Aquatic. I do enjoy Anderson's films but they tend to have a sort of disjointed quality to them, and it really showed in this one. It struck me as being more a series of sketches than a proper film - I've seen it three or four times and I can remember specific moments but I can't for the life of me put them in order or remember what part they played in the plot. Considering it does this despite having a long list of dependable actors and actresses and the buzz of being Bill Murray's first big film after Lost In Translation, I'd argue it qualifies as a film that doesn't work. I'd also stick The Lady From Shanghai in there, but only because I can't get over Orson Welles' "accent".

 

James x

 

The Life Aquatic stands as the ONLY film I could not finish, and I must have watched well over 1000 in my life time. Usually I sit through every thing because I know from first hand experience how difficult filmmaking is, and I try and give respect to every piece of work I view.

 

But TLA, it killed me, I just could not finish it.

 

R,

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Ok,

 

How bout this for a system:

 

We go and see a movie - we haven't paid yet - we have agreed that we will pay what we think the film was worth >>tricky part>> we are somehow 'polygraph-machined' at the end of the session and we actually do pay what we think the film was worth ...

 

So if we see a really good film we end up paying say twice the standard rate or higher - if we see a right crapper, we may even get paid to watch it ...

 

Last two films I watched in a cinema:

 

Pan's Labyrinth - I'd come out even stevens on that one (why did she eat the grapes ? what was with all that over the top sound design ? why not remove the violence and call it a kids film ? it certainly wasn't my kind of 'grown up' entertainment...)

 

Sunshine - would pay about the going rate, maybe %95 of it - might end up paying more the second time I went to see it ...

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. I'd also stick The Lady From Shanghai in there, but only because I can't get over Orson Welles' "accent".

 

James x

 

Accents aside I could point out this film was seriously messed with in editing by the studio.

 

If it "doesn't work" I'll still take it over 100 films that do, it's probably my favorite Orson Welles.

 

Awesome to see in 35mm btw.

 

-Sam

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Oh another film that didnt really work was Kull the Conqueror. I admit that this film 'looks' very good. Great looking set designs, locations and special effects and Tia Carrere was hot as usual - but that was all there was to it. Despite all the attractive visuals, the film was very flat. I wouldnt say that it was a bad movie - I would call it average. Plus incorporating heavy metal music in the fight scenes was probably the worst idea in the history of bad ideas.

 

As Kull was a character developed by Robert.E.Howard, the man who came up with Conan, I was expecting to see a film like Conan the Barbarian. In no way did it compare to Conan the Barbarian.

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Guest Trevor Swaim

waterworld - could have been a great film (costner killed it) but the acting on all parts was stiff and the story tried way to hard to be political. It had that odd early 90's mix of wannabe drama and comedy that never worked.

 

Happy feet - quite possibly the worst film to ever win an academy award.

 

Last Days - I loved elephant, loved the way the story was told loved everything about it. This Just feels like VanSant was lazy. Like he just put the template of elephant over the story of Kurt Cobain. It didn't fit and felt disjointed.

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FLOURISH - I saw that movie a couple weeks ago, I really feel like asking people around here what went wrong with that movie. I mean what makes people get together with some budget (minor in this case) and just do so many mistakes.

 

I saw the "making of" documentary just to see what kind of people did that. And well, the director is so NOT charismatic that I think its just some kind of joke, trying to make a legend by being the worst director with the most arrogant attitude, both of those attributes are so incompatible that its seems surreal. He spends his time telling the cinematographer "he is not doing a good job" while telling the doc camera he is not afraid to speak his mind.

 

Well, the cinematography on this movie is top notch compared to whatever other factors created a movie that can induce anxiety, like the poor sound, the bad acting, the terrible sequencing, the lack of real mystery, and most importantly, the fact that by the end of the movie the plot is so randomly overcomplicated, and the elements to help people solve it are so deficient (starting by the sound) that you feel you just wasted 2 hours of your life, and you will never get them back.

 

I never even cared to watch the ending or know what really happened, who killed who, why, or who was the real insane person, or what was real or what was not. It was like trying a cake made with onions and poop... how the hell did it get to my table?.. and why is the baker so proud of it? Someone out there is laughing real hard at this big joke

 

PS... Pirate of The Caribbean is too long, it got so boring.. they went overboard trying to make a "Revenge of the Sith" or "Return of the King" kind of closure movie.

Edited by Alberto Fernandez
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