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I got fired yesterday


Brian Rose

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Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so dire. It's all the pressure, and now my parents urging me to find a job. My mom especially wants me to put all this behind me and find something else.

 

I love doing this, but it's like everything is against me doing it. It would be so easy to give up, but then I would hate myself even more. There is no way to win.

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First off Tim said buying a camera will generally not create paying work for the young filmmaker. A- you have more experience and a masters degree, you will probably get paying work from a camera you own. And B- there are other ways to make money with gear. Plenty of people sublet their cameras through an established rental house and get commissions based on that, over in Kansas there's probably more of a demand for those higher end prosumer HD cams like the EX1R than out in the bigger markets (at least percentage wise) so a rental house would probably make a deal with you. Before you buy your camera call up a couple of places this way you'd be on your way back to paying off your camera before you even buy it.

Edited by Rob Vogt
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Do I get gear, or don't I? Do I go here or there? I just don't know anymore. I'm beginning to see that it was all delusion by a talentless loser who wasn't meant to do anything or be anybody. Who was I to think I had anything meaningful to contribute? I'm a worthless goddamn loser, whose wasted my life up to now. I'm a coward who can't make a decision, which tells me I have no business doing anything.

 

I'm done.

 

Holy geez some body end this thread or give this guy a job in film, enough already.

 

This is really getting depressing!

 

R,

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Certainly don't, go go, as in leave the forum. But when you start saying things like, "I'm a worthless goddamn loser." I mean come on, that's a bit harsh on your self don't ya think.

 

And let's face it wallowing in self pity isn't going to get you any where.

 

Now I hate to throw out some cold hard facts, but if you take this firing this badly then maybe film is not the right industry for you? This is the toughest, meanest, cruelest, business on the planet, if you can't take a punch then maybe you would really be happier in another field?

 

If you continue on, consider this the FIRST of many more hard punches to the gut you are going to get. I've been knocked out and got up off the mat so many times I have lost count now. These days the industry can punch me in the stomach 50 times and the best it gets from me is a shoulder shrug.

 

I'm numb to the pain now, nothing phases me.

 

But in your case you are just starting out and this is your first real test. If you want to make it in this business you will need to seriously toughen up, or move onto a new profession. It will never be "easy" in this business, never.

 

 

R,

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Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so dire. It's all the pressure, and now my parents urging me to find a job. My mom especially wants me to put all this behind me and find something else.

 

I love doing this, but it's like everything is against me doing it. It would be so easy to give up, but then I would hate myself even more. There is no way to win.

You need to find a way to get your mom on side with your career goals. I never had to tell my mom "this is what I want to do, so butt out", so I'm afraid I can't offer any suggestions there.

 

Actually, your mom may be half right. HALF right. Maybe it is time to try something else - for now. Taking a job in a different industry while you sort yourself out is not giving up. It's a time-out, a break between rounds. Hell, I took a fifteen year detour - I started out in film and theatre, then drifted into IT as a programmer. I got fired in 2005, realized film was where I really wanted to be, took some night classes at Ryerson to update and upgrade my film training, am now getting back into film production.

 

--

Jim

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Hey Brian,

 

I met you several times when I gave a few presentations at SIU and Lilly and everybody vouches that you are a talented guy. But sir, you have GOT to have thick skin for this business. Getting fired goes with the territory... EVERYBODY gets fired and for any and all reasons. I've been kicked in the balls so much and so many times that it actually is funny... now. I really felt your pain the first couple of times, but after a short while you realize that it is just the nature of the beast. You can't take it personal.

 

As far as buying and owning, as long as you have a way to make your money back, then go for it. When I was still in school at SIU (great place, by the way) I bought a 35mm Arriflex only because I knew it would pay for itself and only because I had something lined up one summer where a rental wasn't practical. I was lucky enough to find and sort of create my own little niche market that still pays some bills but not nearly enough. You're going to have to expect to start out at the bottom and even work for free in you hope to work on jobs that offer something with a semblance of creative energy. (Most of those corporate and companies that have real offices usually only put out safe and boring schlock with nothing to feel proud about, but you might have to put in some time there-- can't be choosy these days.)

 

I've found that the pain that comes with rejection and failure is indeed intense at first, but those feeling always regenerate into something more inspiring and positive. First things first, though, is that if you really want to work in the film industry, and you KNOW you do, you're going to have to 'nut up' and develop some hide.

 

Remember, if can't find that half the fun is the getting there, then maybe it isn't for you.

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If it were me, and it's not, I would take full advantage of using this time to shoot a short film for my reel. It seems like there is NEVER enough time to work on your own stuff. When one is working, it's just not going to be possible. This is time time where you can really focus on expressing yourself in this medium. I'm not saying "put a positive twist on things," there is a positive twist here!

You will be "working" in one sense although you won't be getting paid, but you will be being productive.

There is something constructive that you can do......this thread is almost 2 months old. As my kids say, "Let's do this!" :)

 

Tom

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... EVERYBODY gets fired and for any and all reasons.

 

Yeah. I remember one particulaly goofy low budget feature on which I was DP for a little while. I got phoned up and fired eight times, and phoned up and re-hired seven times in one night. Doing the math, I ended up not doing the picture. ;-)

 

To the OP, getting a paying gig at a rental house or other company that services the biz is a great idea. You get some security, and an employer who understands your desire to move up to crew work. Don't buy equipment, save and invest your money so you'll have a nest egg to get thru the inevitable slow times -- like right now.

 

 

 

 

-- J.S.

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I think the best think you can do it watch movies. 99% of us are in this business because as children we were immersed into worlds filled with imagination and wonder and we wanted to be as involved with that process as we could. Some of us became cinematographers, others became editors, others made documentaries - but all of share the passion and love of storytelling, film, and the filmmaking process. If you're down in life, watch a movie. Go watch many movies. Bury yourself in movies. If you still don't feel inspired by the roots of your profession then maybe it wasn't ever meant to be in the first place. But I feel like if you were this affected by being fired from a job, then there's certainly not a problem with your passion.

 

Go shoot a movie. Anything. Go shoot a little 3 minute super 8mm movie. I know that whenever I feel angry, or sad, or emotional - being behind the camera always helps sooth things out for me. It can be a great method.

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I had a dream job. I was a writer/shooter/editor at a doc prod company that specialized in history films. I started working there two days after I graduated with my masters, and I thought I was so fortunate. There were some bumps along the way, and I made some mistakes, but I tried to learn from them, and the past few months I felt like I was really clicking with the staff, and finding my place. My latest script for a history film was just approved, and yesterday at 2:30 I was supposed to have a script meeting with my producer, who was one of the co-owners of the company. At 2:30, he calls me back. Only the other co-owner is there as well, and they says, "It's just not working." And that was that.

 

I don't know what to do. They're advice was for me to start freelancing, which is what I must do I suppose. But I don't even know how to begin. I was only able to save up $4500, which is not enough to put together any kind of package. All I've got is an XL2 and a glidecam. The glidecam could be useful, but that seems to be it.

 

I'm devastated. I had to work so hard to make it through school and without debt, to get to where I was. I knew there was a lot more hard, hard work ahead, but I felt like I was finally getting to enjoy some rewards for my work. Now I'm wondering what it was all for? What value do I have as a human being, with skills that can't hold up against so many others out there working? I feel like my whole life up to now has been for nothing. My films went nowhere, and I've discovered how poor a cameraman and editor I really was when stacked up against others. I've dedicated my life to something only to find I'm not worth having around. I'm a hack, and the whole of my life has been a waste.

 

I don't want to live just for the sake of living. I wanted to DO something, and that something I thought was to make works of beauty. Now it's gone, and I'm seeing that I'm not worth a damn to anyone. I don't know what to do now, and all I feel is the desire to run, hide, to end all this pain.

 

Please, someone, say something. Anything. I'm at the end of my rope.

 

BR

You're way ahead of the game. Years back I bought a Canon L1 thinking Hi-8 was going to be the new format. The thing rented a handful of times, but two writers' strikes, the Bush Sr. economy, some personal problems and what not, and it just wasn't clicking.

 

These last couple of years as I've tried to get back into the industry (banging my head against the wall) I nearly lost my home. Not just any home, but a home belonging to the family that I was given charge to take care of. I saved it by working two jobs, but they weren't media jobs. I had no choice in the matter.

 

Work another job, save money from that and invest it in whatever project you want to do. It's what I've been relegated to. I don't like it, but I've got no choice.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I got fired off my first full official gig as a 2nd AC on a decent sized movie in Sept. I've never been fired from anything in my LIFE. I was absolutely infuriated, I did the best I could and did a damn good job. (It was out of my hands; I was their THIRD 2nd AC in 2 weeks, so that should tell you something...)

 

I drove home feeling like absolute poop. I was SO happy to be on this thing and to be working, not to mention the fact I needed the money terribly. The more I thought about it, the more I just chalked it up to experience. Everybody gets fired at some point or another, from a guy like me up to Robert Elswit. It's just a part of life in this business.

 

It really sucked and it set me back, but what can you do. Gotta roll with the punches, baby. You'll be ok.

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I may not know of the disappointments you all have faced, due to I'm still and undergraduate in college, but I encountered a quote from David Eggby a while back that I really take to heart. For whatever it's worth:

 

"After 'Mad Max' was released, I sat home & waited for the phone to ring for about 3 years." -David Eggby, ACS

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