I need critique on my first short

[Andy Joesoef]

http://vimeo.com/25990445

 

I appreciate it !!

Edited July 5, 2011 by Andy Joesoef

[Dave Healey]

thx for posting this. i was quite captivated & enjoyed both the 'story' & the visuals - the poetry, if you will. i have more words (will come later)- but wanted to send you props for your hard work.

 

dh

[Andy Joesoef]

thx for posting this. i was quite captivated & enjoyed both the 'story' & the visuals - the poetry, if you will. i have more words (will come later)- but wanted to send you props for your hard work.

 

dh

 

wow, thanks!

[Andy Joesoef]

Is it really that bad or you are all speechless. I really have no clue, but well this is my first short ever. I don't really care if its bad, I just really enjoyed the process :D

[Matt Stevens]

It's too long and repetitive. Cut it down to less than a minute and it will be interesting. That isn't sarcasm. I think it will be much improved by gutting it to its core.

[Matthew W. Phillips]

I agree with Matt. This is an interesting idea but you dont want it to wear out its welcome. I would keep it at <2 minutes.

[Andy Joesoef]

It's too long and repetitive. Cut it down to less than a minute and it will be interesting. That isn't sarcasm. I think it will be much improved by gutting it to its core.

 

thanks for your critique, could you tell me specifically the part that is repetitive. i tried to be more visual than anything because the story was not written at all. again, thanks!