My parents

[Alex Wuijts]

so what did you guys have for breakfast today?

[Guest Giles Sherwood]

I believe the Japanese have an interesting take on obligation. That is: If you don't feel it, you don't have it.

 

 

But to put that in perspective, the Japanese do feel obligated to do a lot.

[James Steven Beverly]

My parents don't expect anything from me.

 

I would *like* to help them. But they refuse everytime.

 

Which, is good of my parents, although I find that it sometimes puts more strain on me, because I see my Dad working all day everyday, and I know that I could help out, but they won't let me.

I won't expect my kids to help me out. The only thing I'll ask from them is that they 1. don't take the pee with using the phone e.t.c and generally running up huge bills and 2. Go to school, and get a good job.

 

(So they can support me when I'm old and decrepped.. joking)

And this is one random subject...

 

You parents sound like proud, self-relient, honorable people. They probably still see you as thier little boy and it's hard for them to think of you as someone that can take care of them. The fact that it bothers you to see your parents struggle and want to help them despite their refusal says a lot about you as a man. There are a lot of people out there that wouldn't give their parents troubles a second thought. If you want a peice of advice, sometimes you just gotta help people without askng them. But also try to remember that they're probably old school and would be insulted by someone suggesting in any way that they couldn't take care of themselves. You father may also actually enjoy working. It may make him feel good about himself and give him a purpose in life. Maybe at this point they REALLY DON'T need or want your help. That doesn't mean they don't appreciate the offer. There will come a time when they will need your help, until then, maybe the best thing to do is respect their wishes and help out as much as you can, if not with money then by doing some physical labor (painting, fixing things around the house, ect), sending them on vacation, buying them great Christmas gifts or what ever else they WILL let you do. Maybe that would mean as much to them as all the money in the world. Give it a shot. B)

[Emanuel A Guedes]

I believe the Japanese have an interesting take on obligation. That is: If you don't feel it, you don't have it.

It's not just a question of to have or not to have obligation. It's also an ethical point. And love.

 

EDIT -- It's not only to any ethnical dimension or national culture related, it's an universal and, at same time, intimate feeling.

Edited October 24, 2006 by Mr. Emanuel A. Guedes

[Joe Gioielli]

I think this is a very interesting question. I'll share my view. make of it what you will.

 

The last 5 years of my mother's life were not great. She had a stroke and lost much of the use of her right side. There were many things that she could no longer do for herself, including her personal hygene. She needed assistance. If my father was unable to care for her when a need arose, I did. Very often I would have to put my own life on hold to care for her and the tasks were often uncomfortable for both of us.

 

I can't describe the feeling I had when she finally died. I didn't feel resentment for having had to take care of her nor was I relieved that I had "finally gotten my life back." Heck, I didn't even feel pround of myself for being Mr. Nice Guy. The best I can say is that it was humbling.

 

For me, it wasn't an obligation, it was a honor.

 

Joe

[Bill DiPietra]

I think this is a very interesting question. I'll share my view. make of it what you will.

 

The last 5 years of my mother's life were not great. She had a stroke and lost much of the use of her right side. There were many things that she could no longer do for herself, including her personal hygene. She needed assistance. If my father was unable to care for her when a need arose, I did. Very often I would have to put my own life on hold to care for her and the tasks were often uncomfortable for both of us.

 

I can't describe the feeling I had when she finally died. I didn't feel resentment for having had to take care of her nor was I relieved that I had "finally gotten my life back." Heck, I didn't even feel pround of myself for being Mr. Nice Guy. The best I can say is that it was humbling.

 

For me, it wasn't an obligation, it was a honor.

 

Joe

 

Beautifully stated, Joe.

 

As an FDNY EMT, I see people and their families in distress everyday and it makes me appreciate every little thing my parents did for me (and still do) when I was growing up. I was lucky enough to have great parents, so I had (by default) a great childhood. Everything I am, I owe to them. All of my values, the care that I show to people (strangers and friends,) and the strength that I have within me.

 

My maternal grandfather was living with us for about ten years. He eventually developed emphysema and was not able to care for himself anymore. In addition to having a home health aid come in everyday, I saw how much my mom did for him before he passed. Sure, I did my part, but I will never forget how much my mom did. She is a teacher and she immediately dropped everything to take care of him when she came home.

 

I often tell people that 9/11 is what initally made me want to do something service related. My grandfather was a cop, so I guess that had something to do with it, too. But when people are in the back of my ambulance and ask me "Why do you do this?" I answer sincerely and say "I like to help people." And those sentiments come from long-standing emotions that my family helped me to develop.

 

So, in answer to the initial question...this is just what parents and children do for each other out of love.

Edited October 25, 2006 by Bill DiPietra

[Gavin Greenwalt]

so what did you guys have for breakfast today?

 

Shoot that reminds me. It's almost 5pm and I still haven't eaten breakfast.

 

Thanks Alex.

[Daniel Smith]

I just found this exact same thread on another forum... same user...

 

http://forum.grid.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=20332

 

 

 

Oh and, James Steven Beverly, I'll take what you said into account! thanks.

Edited November 1, 2006 by Daniel Ashley-Smith