'Disturbed'

[Ashley Wing]

Howdy peeps,

 

Written & Directed by - Clayton Fussell 'Disturbed' is a short psychological thriller.

 

Feedback and constructive criticism would be most appreciated. What works for you, what needs improvement, do you think it holds up technically, is the story interesting to you?

 

You can view the short here:

 

Please note that YouTube HD files seem to stutter unless you let the red bar upload all the way to the end first. Seems to run smoothly after that.

 

Thanks again and hope you enjoy the short.

[Mike Donis]

I can't believe nobody has posted in over a week and a half! I'll hopefully be helpful :)

 

 

SPOILERS:

 

 

 

 

I didn't feel the story needed to take as long to be told as it did - it may just be my tastes, but I felt not enough happened to warrant 7 minutes of story.

 

If we break down the events - killer comes to house, girls annoy sleeping neighbour, neighbour kills girls, surprising intended killer - the biggest change happens when the intended killer finds the girls already murdered. That happens at the last moment, and while it's a good twist, it feels like the girls annoying the sleeping neighbour takes up 80 percent of the movie. To me at least, that makes the story drag too much.

 

Cinematographically, I like the look (assuming it was so dark because of my computer monitor). I do think it was very appropriately shot and the eerieness of the sickly greenish yellow cast in the picture helps set the tone for what will happen. The droning music, too, really accentuates the nasty feeling and it's a good part of what makes it so tense.

 

I thought some of the blood effects don't really sell (look a little staged), and some of the audio doesn't sound as rich or in-your-face as I'd have expected, but I like the cutting between scenes and how the profile of the sound changes, which helps set up the sense of space in the location.

 

Overall, I'd definitely not say it was bad. My biggest quibble is that I feel it's slow, but that's a personal taste thing really. And I definitely think more people should have responded by now!

 

Best,

Mike

[Max Swinton]

Hi Ashley, I agree with Mark on the point of it perhaps being a little drawn out. I liked the editing and the sound design, and when the neighbour attacked the girls I was genuinely shocked and upset. I didn't like the plot particularly, I thought it was overly contrived, and the rapid shaking of the masked girls head at the beginning really cheapened the whole thing for me because it is such a tired technique by now. The opening shot when the blood comes out of the mask was very good though, very memeorable I thought. Overall, I liked it, it was well made and genuinely frightening and distressing. Good stuff. I also don't know why there has been so few responses, it really is a shame.

Max

Edited May 15, 2009 by Max Swinton