NEIGHBORS a 16mm short

[Jeffrey Carroll]

Hello everyone. I have been wondering around these forums for some time now and finally have some work that I can show. I am a student cinematographer and this is my first attempt at 16mm film. Any and all critiques/comments are welcome. I am really want to know what people truly think so be as brutal as you want. Anything that can help me improve on this and future projects is more than welcome.

 

Here is the link:NEIGHBORS

 

Thanks

 

Camera: ARRI S

Lenses: 12.5mm,25mm,50mm Cooke Primes(old and uncollimated so my focus is off at times)

Stock: Kodak 7217/7229

Lights: 1k, 650w, 300w Mole Fresnels/Photoflood in a China Ball

Edited May 13, 2009 by Jeffrey Carroll

[Max Swinton]

Hi, I'l start with what I thought could be better. Firstly, I think that it's too long, for me it would work better as a shorter piece. This is because there is too much repetition, I understand that you are showing the constant battle between neighbours as they gradually up the volume on each other, however, it just seems like there isn't enough going on as the war escalates, up until the point when the man brings out the big guns. The other thing that I didn't like was the camera travelling through the walls, it looked cheap. I would say the same about the titles, and I say this because the film looks so nice and it really takes me right out of it when I see the obvious marks of a digital process over the film. I would have liked to see titles that looked more like they had been created through optical compositing. I don't mean this to sound harsh, because I enjoyed the film, loved the look of it and I think that you have some nice editing and composition in there.