It's easy to make moviemaking the center of your life. It fills a deep hunger. I fell dearly in love with it when I was about 13 --- so much so that I studied and dreamed about it all through high school. By the time I started film school, I had already made 40 short movies. In film school, I was told by a few people (not just my mom) that my movies were the best of all the students'.
Then I graduated. I sent my resume to many, many companies, across the U.S. Here in Austin, which is a pretty busy place for film and video, I hit the pavement, knocking on doors. No luck. My first job out of college with my big Bachelors of Arts was at a cafe. After six months, since nobody would hire me, I finally hired myself, and spent a few thousand to buy a camcorder and computer. I started making wedding and business videos.
I did that for four years, but I got burnt out, partly because I never really liked making documentaries. I wanted to make features. Also, I wasn't making enough money. I probably could have if I treated it more distantly, like a business, but I spent too much time and money making each video as good as I could make it.
Guess what I do now? I'm a web programmer. I make good money, and I really like it. If my college self saw me now, he would say, oh no, you totally settled! You failed! But: (A) I made over 100 videos in my business, and most of them were meaningful. Wedding videos help marriages. They also can be very beautiful. Check out, for example, http://vimeo.com/5950319 (not mine). I also made a couple of promos for a non-profit I really believe in. (B) It's not over yet. I'm only 32. I'm taking a break, because my artistic juices were completely dry from pouring my heart into 100 videos in four years. There's never been a better time to be an independent video producer. The gear is cheaper than it's ever been. And now you can maybe simply "broadcast yourself." There are (I hear) people making loads on YouTube. © I could have been more successful in my career if I hadn't turned down some things that I thought were wrong. Looking back, I'm happy that I stuck to my beliefs.
Did you feel that the job you had was the one you were meant to have, that it was the perfect job for you, and that somehow you blew it? If so, that would make me feel depressed, too. But two things that have already been said I want to reiterate. (1) Don't base your worth on someone else's opinion. (I myself believe man is made by God and worth something to him, and that's the bedrock of my worth). Also, (2) more than once I've heard of someone who lost something that seemed an irrecoverable loss, but it paved the way for something even better!
Hang in there, keep seeking the things you think are right, and don't give up!
