Hi,
first: congrats on shooting with a Red One, it can truly record nice pictures. However, if you know how to frame (and I think you did some nice shots in that regard) it really is more about learning how to light than anything else.
Except for a few people from the film making community no one would have noticed the gain in resolution and dynamic range that makes the difference to a DSLR (apart from all those other little details). It simply makes your life easier (and sometimes harder ;) ). So instead of renting a Red One, get a gaffer, light and grip equipment (if you can). That said, I think the dynamic range of the camera actually saved you in quite a lot of shots, that would have been blown out or mostly black otherwise.
What really makes a difference with all cameras is not to respect the dynamic range of your sensor in terms of highlights, only using hard light, not thinking about where to put the light and how it changes the shadows, using thick smoke 'just because' etc.
This sounds overly harsh and you really got some nice shots (some of them even because you used hard light), still there is a lot of room for improvement, I think. Then again I simply hate "in you face"-lighting, so I'm quite biased.
I was contemplating whether to actually post this critique of mine, but in the end we all learn from seeing someone else's point of view, even if we disregard it as rubbish ;)
Nico