Dark Sucker Theory

[Michael K Bergstrom]

http://members.dslextreme.com/users/rogermw/darksucker.html

 

The Dark Sucker Theory

 

 

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light,

but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't

emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers.

 

The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove

that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

 

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs

suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in.

There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The

larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark.

Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck

dark than the ones in this room.

 

So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are

full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot

on a full Dark Sucker.

 

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick.

You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing

all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to

the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because

it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the

disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.

 

There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't

handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage

Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied

or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.

 

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from

the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating

Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel

into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a

great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating

candle.

 

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below

the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to

slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and

darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This

is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the

lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

 

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were

to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly

opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet.

But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave

the closet.

 

Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.

[Paul Bruening]

Just when you think you've heard of everything.

[Brian Drysdale]

Just when you think you've heard of everything.

 

Hmm... I was wondering what happened when the fridge door closed.

[Michael Collier]

Aren't you prepping two features simultaneously right now bergy? Don't you have work to do? I know I shouldn't have laid off the guy who bangs the drum and the guy who does the whipping.

 

GET BACK TO WORK!

[Drew Valenti]

Wow

[Daniel Sheehy]

That's why the dark spot on the end of a fluorescent tube gets larger as the tube nears the end of it's life... it can't hold any more dark!

[James Steven Beverly]

And here I was thinking the black was just carbon. stupid me. :rolleyes: