Ok - lets follow your theory for a bit. 9 machines working to convert roughly 200Gb of RAW footage per day.
Hardware costs:
9x Apple Mac Pro, Quad 3.2, 32Gb ram: $14,500ea = $130,500
9x Apple monitors, keyboards, mice = $10,000
2x Promise Vtrack, 12Tb RAID storage: $15,000ea = $30,000
2x LTO-3 decks: $1200ea = $3000
2x APC 5000VA UPS, $5150ea = $11,000
1x cisco fiber channel switch, = $14,700
2x 1500BTU AC, $1500ea = $3000
Misc cables & add'l hardware = $3000
So you are looking at $205,000 plus taxes and shipping, before you have processed one frame. Then in addition you will need the space to run it all (some large cube truck, with union driver) and a tow generator (with operator) to meet the power requirements, and of course a couple of people to run it all. BTW, IT guys are the most expensive, fetching $95 per hour for the low-ballers, which is more than the union scale for camera operators.
And in addition, you'd need to make it all extremely mobile. On Stay Cool, as David has mentioned, we have had several location moves - sometimes 3 times per day. So you'll need to set it all up, make it go, and tear it all down again. As it is, right now, we are having quite an issue with the mobile darkroom. The big issue is where to put it. Not all of our locations have been generator-friendly, especially since it takes an average of 2 to 3 hours after wrap just to backup and confirm the days work (on one 3 camera day, it took 5 hours after wrap). We have resorted to, at some locations, putting the IT truck over a mile away from base camp and the working trucks, mostly because of the un-friendly atmosphere and location rules regarding the current generator we have running (1500 watt honda generator).
So I know you said you were being a bit blunt, but I just wanted to inject a little reality into this thought process.