James Steven Beverly Posted May 13, 2006 Share Posted May 13, 2006 (edited) I heard a DP joke I thought I would share forgive me if ya already heard it: Why don't DP's light a girl's ciggerette when he's trying to pick her up? Cause it takes him 3 hours to light it. :D Anyone else you any filmaker jokes, Doesn't nessesarily have to be about DP's, but it would be funnier if it were. Edited May 13, 2006 by Capt.Video Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh Bass Posted May 13, 2006 Share Posted May 13, 2006 This is ancient, and has been posted elsewhere on here: What's the difference between God and a DP? God doesn't think he's a DP. Har har har. I'm a genius. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Butler Posted May 13, 2006 Share Posted May 13, 2006 Here is another old chestnut. What's the difference between a flare and a highlight? About A$3000 a day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Wengenroth Posted May 13, 2006 Share Posted May 13, 2006 I always liked the joke Doug Hart used at the beginning of his book... How many camera assistants does it take to change a light bulb? ...Never mind, it's already done. I also heard a good one involving teamsters and donuts but unfortunately I can't remember it exactly...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Michael Nash Posted May 13, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 13, 2006 I also heard a good one involving teamsters and donuts but unfortunately I can't remember it exactly...! I know that one and many others, but since this is an open forum I'll try to refrain from offending as many people as possible. ;-) How tall is a sound mixer? I don't know, I've never seen one stand up. How many producers does it take to change a lightbulb? Does it have to be a light bulb? How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb? Do we have to change it? How many lead actors does it take to change a lightbulb? One to hold the lightbulb, and the world revolves around him. How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a globe. How many grips does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the ladder, the other to hammer it in. Why do we have the grips push dolly? To teach them how to walk upright. Did you hear about the grip who was so dumb, that OTHER grips noticed? Why were there no PA's killed in the Northridge earthquake? The were all standing in the doorways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Most Posted May 13, 2006 Share Posted May 13, 2006 I also heard a good one involving teamsters and donuts but unfortunately I can't remember it exactly...! The two best teamster jokes I've heard were both told to me, ironically enough, by Teamsters - who I have to say are usually some of the greatest guys you'll ever meet, and generally have a great sense of humor. At least L.A. teamsters. So, having said that... Q: How can you tell when a Teamster has died? A: The jelly donut falls out of his hand. Q: How can you tell a Teamster child? A: He's the one standing in the corner watching all the other kids play. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Luke Prendergast Posted May 13, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 13, 2006 How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Irwin Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Q: How many Assistant Directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: "It's fine ... just shoot it!" Q: How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Hmmmm... I'm not sure... What do YOU think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Brad Grimmett Posted May 14, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 14, 2006 Well, since most of the good ones have already been posted, I'll give you one I heard long ago. How many teamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 27.....You gotta fu&%$*' problem with that?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Justin Hayward Posted May 14, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 14, 2006 (edited) How many PA's does it take to change a light bulb? One to change it and seven to wonder why they weren't called. Edited May 14, 2006 by Justin Hayward Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Tyler Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 What's the difference between a grip and a key grip? The key grip moves the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Phil Rhodes Posted May 14, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 14, 2006 I just realised that the four people I most closely associated with the camera assistant position are named Annie, Anna, Anne and Anneka. It would not be unreasonable to suspect some sort twisted, Buckaroo-Banzai-style alien plot. Phil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Michael Nash Posted May 14, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 14, 2006 It would not be unreasonable to suspect some sort twisted, Buckaroo-Banzai-style alien plot. Phil That's pronounced big booTAY... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Paul Maibaum ASC Posted May 14, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 14, 2006 How many Directors of Photography does it take to change a light bulb? .......One, no I think two, three would be better, can we get four? OR .......How many do we have in the truck? How many assistant camera persons does it take to change a light bulb? .......Four, one to change the light bulb and three to tell you how they did it on their last show. Paul Maibaum DP/LA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Madsen Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 When an old cinematographer was asked "how many years have you been a DP?" he replied "I've been a DP for thirty years but twenty of those years were spent waiting on sound." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Hayes Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Why don?t DP?s smoke pot? It takes them to long to light it. How many assistant cameramen does it take to change a light bulb? If I were the DP I?d use a soft light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Dan Goulder Posted May 15, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 15, 2006 How many Directors of Photography does it take to change a light bulb? None. We'll just fix it in post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Pritzlaff Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 How many DP's does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he will change it 5 times before he is happy with it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Adam White Posted May 17, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 17, 2006 why is there a pause between lighting and thunder? Because even god has to wait for sound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Pritzlaff Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 How many script supervisors does it take to change a lightbulb? None - they won't let anyone touch it cause it might ruin continunity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrewbuchanan Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Q: How can you tell a Teamster child?A: He's the one standing in the corner watching all the other kids play. Shouldn't he be SITTING in the corner? On under the catering tent? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Michael Nash Posted May 18, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 18, 2006 Shouldn't he be SITTING in the corner? On under the catering tent? As I heard it: How can you tell the Teamster children on the playground? They're the ones sitting on folding chairs, watching the other kids play. Okay, so here's the other Teamster ones: How can you tell when a Teamster is dead? The doughnut falls out of his hand. What did Jesus tell the Teamsters? "Don't do anything 'til I get back." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Featherstone Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Producer: "Can you shoot available light?" DP: "I can shoot avaialble light.... I'll use whatever lights are available on the truck!" Rob Featherstone DP/ NYC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Hall Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 I'm sure some of you have heard this one from a Grip before; "A light without a scrim is like an Electric without a job" wokka wokka wokka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premium Member Michael Nash Posted May 18, 2006 Premium Member Share Posted May 18, 2006 What do you call a light with three doubles in it? The wrong light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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