a question of MONEY

[David Rakoczy]

...and you certainly don't need the union in order to run your freelance career like a real business person... :rolleyes:

[Freya Black]

Why would you go onto a Set and work without a Deal Memo? Without one, you are only setting yourself up to be taken advantage of. Create a simple deal memo for yourself spelling everything out and have the producer sign it prior to you commencing work.

 

This is actually fantastically good advice. I'm not sure what a deal memo is exactly and I think it would be really helpful if you could maybe send us an example of this David, maybe something we could use as a template or to get a better understanding of it. However it seems like it might be a more formalised version of something that was suggested to me a while back.

 

Having got myself into something of a mess myself, I found myself somehow on a course at a left wing corporate conferencing centre! (Yes I too was suprised that such places exist but thats not important right now) eating lunch with another woman who suddenly proceeded to make conversation by telling me this story about a group she had been involved with and the awful stuff that happened to her and why she had to leave town etc. I was really shocked. I wanted to turn to this woman and say "look, you are totally mistaken, that didn't happen to you, that happened to ME, you just got confused somehow. Thats MY life, you're having a different one." The problem was that I hadn't told her my story, in fact I was trying to keep it a secret from her for various complicated reasons. The story she told me was exactly the same. It had the same number of people doing exactly, the same things, with the same kind of social interactions. Sure the names were a little different, and they pulled their tricks through a slightly different avenue but it was all the same stuff. I was in total shock. If this had actually happened to me, and it had actually happened to her, the logical conclusion was that this stuff was happening to lots of other people too. I hadn't at that point even come to terms with how it was all so exactly the same as that was too much for my messed up head at that point but there we are.

 

Well the course itself was actually about dealing with people in organised groups and the people running the course did seem to understand a lot about this stuff and I was beginning to realise I understood very little about what went on in human groups on the planet. It was slightly away from the focus of the course but I managed to grab one of the people to one side for a few minutes afterwards and asked him my question, which was something along the lines of how do you stop the group from being totally derailed and its core values being compromised by certain individuals or something like that. To be honest I didn't think he would have any answer as it seemed impossible to stop this from happening. However he did, and it was very straightforward. He said you get some paper and you write up all the core values of the group. You set down the base rules for the group to follow and then as people join your group they have to agree to those basic rules first. That way if anything does happen, you can point to the original rules they agreed to and say look you are in breach of these, and they are all written down and it is much more straightforward. Obviously not a total panacea but it seemed to me this very basic thing could be really helpful.

 

If you think about it there are lots of examples of this in human society. The American constitution being an obvious one.

 

It seems to me this deal memo thing is a very similar idea, if I get it right. At the start everyone lays out what they agree to in writing and then you can come back to it later if need be. To be honest this might even be useful in itself regardless of whether it can be used as a legal document or not. You are laying out the parameters and it can help keep you from redrawing lines in the sand or having to deal with things you assumed were basic and obvious in your arangement.

 

love

 

Freya

[Freya Black]

I did a longer term ( a few days job) last year and just went as usual after a couple conversations over the phone. The schedule went badly as their own logistics drove us into massive OT. When my invoice was questioned, the Production Manager outright lied about sending me a deal memo that supposedly explained that it was a flat. WHAT!? I exclaimed? The Producer, her and everyone else involved thought that I was in the wrong claiming that I "refused" to sign a deal memo. I couldn't refuse to sign it if

 

er, apart from anything else if you didn't sign it then you clearly didn't agree to it so why are they bringing it up! ;)

 

I never was offered one. I made the mistake of trusting that they were adults and knew the standard "unspoken" rules for production. They lied over and over and over in an attempt to screw me and others out of money. Money corrupts. I won't work

 

Maybe with a one day shoot thats straightforward and you can write off if need be and isn't going to cause you any damage then it's okay to just go with it but otherwise it's best to speak those unspoken rules. You can't assume that people are adults, know unspoken rules, aren't dodgy rightwingers, aren't sociopaths who will try and manipulate any situation to their advantage etc. Here they are trying to use a deal memo you didn't agree to as a weapon! Funny! If you had, had one tho that you had actually both agreed to then you could have shown them it, and if they didn't want to agree to it on some basic and fundamental point then you wouldn't have to waste time on them in the first place.

 

Its also not just about money. This shocked me at first because I was involved in a situation where there was very little money involved. It all seemed so silly and pathetic but theres all kinds of stuff goes on it's complicated.

 

for them again and they really don't deserve to have my skills either. That's the attitude to take. Know your own value and never compromise on what you're worth. They need us more than we need them.

 

That is definitely the attitude to take also! Yes! It's just best to do what you can to avoid these situations in the first place as these people take your time and can cause you damage both psychological and otherwise.

 

love

 

Freya

[Freya Black]

Freya,

In an ideal world, you would be right...and I can say that on an emotional level I am far more willing to walk away from this situation still with my head up. But financially, well, until things get better for me again, I can't let it go...not yet. As far as my stuff goes, uh, yeah, I kiiinda need that. I was a total idiot to leave it on the job and I realize that now.

 

I don't even know if the true nature of this job is coming across with what I've been writing about it...I am one of four people who have been completely f*cked by this production. And this is the lowest of the low-budget. We're not talking about some 20-something year old trust fund kids throwing around some short ends in an SR and trying to shoot in the Village without permits. I don't know if I really spelled this out enough...we're talking about Italians from the Bronx with Mafia connections. Ordinary little silly rules and things like small claims court will not get through to these guys. I just got off the phone with one of the grips from before they cut the crew way down, and he's got some interesting dirt on the history of this production...namely that we are not alone and that this has been going on in various denominations with 3 other crews, for 3 years. They had run out of money previously and then picked up again. And again. And again...

 

We are planning to hit them where it hurts and fight dirty. Now that I've fully realized what these guys have done to a few of my good friends in the film industry, I can no longer play nice.

 

Annie,

You need to change your financial situation so that you can let it go then. I'm not saying thats going to be easy but then nor is trying to get your money out of these ppl. Yes you are right small claims is probably going to be a waste of time even if you had all kinds of bits of paper.

 

You are right tho, while I didn't think it was a student production, I had no idea that these people had mafia connections. To my mind this makes it all the more important to get out of this situation as fast as you can.

 

I'm wondering quite what you are telling me here Annie. Are you saying that now you have realised that this has been happening over and over again, you now feel duty bound to try and make sure it doesn't happen again, such that other people won't be taken in the way you were? It's your duty isn't it to protect those future people from the terrible fate that you are now facing? Perhaps even if that means placing yourself into a position of risk too? hmmm what kind of category of mindset does that fit into?

 

If you are intent on going down this path I would urge you to engage in such an activity as a group. Together, in equal measure. You seem to be suggesting this might be the case but I really want to urge you to avoid this situation on your own.

 

Keep on mind that yes, these kind of people do normally do this kind of stuff over and over again. As such they have no doubt a lot of experience of these situations.

 

My advice would be to let this go as soon as you can. Try and get your stuff as fast as you can so you don't have to write that off too. Then focus on getting yourself some fantastic new jobs of the kind you would like to have! :)

 

love

 

Freya

Edited August 13, 2009 by Freya Black

[Freya Black]

You know ... you're in 600, it's kind of busy now, all sorts of jobs are starting in NY. If you stick w/ your career and are halfway decent (what ever that means), you'll come to a point where you look back and just chalk it up to experience. It's one 13 hour day's pay on a majors job.

 

Sounds good!

 

Maybe Annie could go to the 600 people, tell them some of her story and explain that she desperately needs work and ask if they know of any productions starting up. Then maybe she can get a few phone numbers. Then hopefully she can forget about all the inhumanity and concentrate on her wonderful new job! :)

 

Maybe not much of a plan but worth a try! :)

 

love

 

Freya

[John Sprung]

... I had no idea that these people had mafia connections. To my mind this makes it all the more important to get out of this situation as fast as you can.

 

I wouldn't worry about it. In the past, I've met a few of these blowhard wannabe types who claim to have connections. They don't. Now in my old age, I know one guy who has genuine connections. If these guys were for real, they'd just pay the $525. It would be couch cushion change to them.

 

 

 

 

-- J.S.

[Jon Rosenbloom]

There will be plenty of inhumanity in whatever job she gets ...

[David Rakoczy]

Hi Freya.

 

Thanks for the response!

 

I just Googled 'Independent Contractor Deal Memo' and this is just one of the finds. It is regarding the Sound Dept. but applies to everyone. There are more references as well. I paid an Attorney for mine so I do not just want to give it out. Thanks for your understanding.

 

Deal Memos

[Brian Dzyak]

er, apart from anything else if you didn't sign it then you clearly didn't agree to it so why are they bringing it up! ;)

 

 

 

Maybe with a one day shoot thats straightforward and you can write off if need be and isn't going to cause you any damage then it's okay to just go with it but otherwise it's best to speak those unspoken rules. You can't assume that people are adults, know unspoken rules, aren't dodgy rightwingers, aren't sociopaths who will try and manipulate any situation to their advantage etc. Here they are trying to use a deal memo you didn't agree to as a weapon! Funny! If you had, had one tho that you had actually both agreed to then you could have shown them it, and if they didn't want to agree to it on some basic and fundamental point then you wouldn't have to waste time on them in the first place.

 

Its also not just about money. This shocked me at first because I was involved in a situation where there was very little money involved. It all seemed so silly and pathetic but theres all kinds of stuff goes on it's complicated.

 

 

 

That is definitely the attitude to take also! Yes! It's just best to do what you can to avoid these situations in the first place as these people take your time and can cause you damage both psychological and otherwise.

 

love

 

Freya

 

 

Right! And despite what the Right Wingers say, it is a political issue. There are those who tend to vote Republican who are very much against worker rights and "unions" which are there to back us all up (theoretically) when this sort of thing happens. Well, ideally, a union is there to make sure this nonsense doesn't happen in the first place. But.... because of primarily Republican anti-worker pro-Corporate policy, globalization is eroding the inherent power of IATSE (and other unions) therefore more people are forced into non-union situations that don't enjoy the pre-determined contracts and protections. If we had had less Milton Friedmanism for the past thirty years, we wouldn't have this issue come up as much as it does now. Despite deal memos and "understandings," the non-union world is full of questions. Such as, I did a five day job in Feb. for a studio vendor (Behind the scenes on a TV show) and they owe me almost $5 grand. I just got a check in the mail today for $500. It's missing a zero. Do IATSE film crews have to deal with that kind of thing? Hell no. They get paid every Thursday. Me? I wait upwards of thirty days most of the time. Why? Because, that's the way this end (marketing) of the business works. Can it be unionized? Never, for a lot of reasons.

 

Can every project be done under the protection of a union contract? Not likely. Do deal memos guarantee getting paid? No. The best thing to do IS to look out for yourself given the realistic state of things that Milton Friedmanists have turned this world into. We either play their game or get screwed because they really don't care about any of us. They'd use slaves if they could legally get away with it because their profit counts more than anything or anyone else in the world. Remember that every time you're deciding whether to say yes or no to a job. We want to make art and make a living doing it. They just want to make money no matter what it takes.

[David Rakoczy]

They just want to make money no matter what it takes.

 

 

...of course you wouldn't be over-generalizing here at all.. huh? :rolleyes:

[Mark Dunn]

Right! And despite what the Right Wingers say, it is a political issue. There are those who tend to vote Republican who are very much against worker rights and "unions" which are there to back us all up (theoretically) when this sort of thing happens. Well, ideally, a union is there to make sure this nonsense doesn't happen in the first place. But.... because of primarily Republican anti-worker pro-Corporate policy, globalization is eroding the inherent power of IATSE (and other unions) therefore more people are forced into non-union situations that don't enjoy the pre-determined contracts and protections. If we had had less Milton Friedmanism for the past thirty years, we wouldn't have this issue come up as much as it does now. Despite deal memos and "understandings," the non-union world is full of questions. Such as, I did a five day job in Feb. for a studio vendor (Behind the scenes on a TV show) and they owe me almost $5 grand. I just got a check in the mail today for $500. It's missing a zero. Do IATSE film crews have to deal with that kind of thing? Hell no. They get paid every Thursday. Me? I wait upwards of thirty days most of the time. Why? Because, that's the way this end (marketing) of the business works. Can it be unionized? Never, for a lot of reasons.

 

Can every project be done under the protection of a union contract? Not likely. Do deal memos guarantee getting paid? No. The best thing to do IS to look out for yourself given the realistic state of things that Milton Friedmanists have turned this world into. We either play their game or get screwed because they really don't care about any of us. They'd use slaves if they could legally get away with it because their profit counts more than anything or anyone else in the world. Remember that every time you're deciding whether to say yes or no to a job. We want to make art and make a living doing it. They just want to make money no matter what it takes.

 

How do you think you get paid? Out of re-invested profits. If no-one makes a profit, no-one works. Haven't you worked that out? What do you think your fee is? It's the profit you make out of your skills, the surplus over what you'd make if you had none. You make less than an entrepreneur because you don't risk capital. Movies need capital because they're the only art form where the artist can't afford his own materials.

I don't know how an American can be so wide of the mark and survive.

[David Rakoczy]

Absolutely Mark!

 

For some reason those who 'risk' capital aren't deserving of the rewards of their risk (anymore).. and if they 'are'... they had better share it with those who did not risk... welcome to the new America! We will all soon be slaves to the State!... and productivity (true productivity) will cease.

[Jim Hyslop]

Movies need capital because they're the only art form where the artist can't afford his own materials.

That reminds me of a quote from Orson Welles: A writer needs a pen. An artist needs a brush. A filmmaker needs an army.

 

--

Jim

[Robin R Probyn]

That reminds me of a quote from Orson Welles: A writer needs a pen. An artist needs a brush. A filmmaker needs an army.

 

--

Jim

 

 

This thread has turned to mush... standing on soap box,s and new age physco babble...

 

Fact 1.. your gear is yours go and get it..

 

Fact 2.. they wont pay you,they are scum.. but your lucky its only $500

 

Fact 3 yes we do need unions..

 

Fact 4 forget this DP.. he is also a spineless p*ick...

 

There you go.. sorted..

[Freya Black]

This thread has turned to mush... standing on soap box,s and new age physco babble...

 

Fact 1.. your gear is yours go and get it..

 

Fact 2.. they wont pay you,they are scum.. but your lucky its only $500

 

Fact 3 yes we do need unions..

 

Fact 4 forget this DP.. he is also a spineless p*ick...

 

There you go.. sorted..

 

:) Preety good summary. Harsh maybe but a good summary and sometimes it's good to be harsh.

 

The main thing I would want to add is:

 

FACT 5: You are better than this, you can change what is happening. Go look for something loads more positive. Smile and wave a cheery goodbye to all this nonsense and make a fresh start, wiser, more experienced, and loads better equipped to face the future!

 

love

 

Freya

[Robin R Probyn]

:) Preety good summary. Harsh maybe but a good summary and sometimes it's good to be harsh.

 

The main thing I would want to add is:

 

FACT 5: You are better than this, you can change what is happening. Go look for something loads more positive. Smile and wave a cheery goodbye to all this nonsense and make a fresh start, wiser, more experienced, and loads better equipped to face the future!

 

love

 

Freya

 

Harsh but fair..

 

I think Annie knows she is better than this already.. and doesnt really need the little grass hopper lectures.. or to buy crystals .. just is pissed off at the moment but will be fine after day one of the next job.. that wont be some flakey,fly by night production..

 

Fight the power..!!

[David Rakoczy]

#6 (which should be #1)... take a Deal Memo and have the producer sign it prior to starting any work.... even better faxing it to them and having them print, sign, scan and return it prior to your even getting out of bed that morning ;)

 

It is for your protection as well as (his).

[Freya Black]

Harsh but fair..

 

I think Annie knows she is better than this already.. and doesnt really need the little grass hopper lectures.. or to buy crystals .. just is pissed off at the moment but will be fine after day one of the next job.. that wont be some flakey,fly by night production..

 

Fight the power..!!

 

Yeah you could be right. I'm probably projecting, as I got myself into a fantastic mess in the past which I'm still trying to get out from years later. I've always got the iimpression that Annie is loads more together than I was tho. I was a seriously naieve and out of it individual and I think that level of, whatever, is very rare.

[Brian Dzyak]

Absolutely Mark!

 

For some reason those who 'risk' capital aren't deserving of the rewards of their risk (anymore).. and if they 'are'... they had better share it with those who did not risk... welcome to the new America! We will all soon be slaves to the State!... and productivity (true productivity) will cease.

 

 

Milton Friedmanesque rhetoric meant to scare people. Nothing more.

[Scott Fritzshall]

#6 (which should be #1)... take a Deal Memo and have the producer sign it prior to starting any work.... even better faxing it to them and having them print, sign, scan and return it prior to your even getting out of bed that morning ;)

 

It is for your protection as well as (his).

But a deal memo or a contract doesn't necessarily protect you either. Check out this story: http://www.fxguide.com/article488.html

 

Basically, Meteor Studios, owned by the company that owns The Discovery Channel, decides not to pay its effects artists for 3 months of work on Journey to the Center of the Earth 3d, including tons of overtime hours, claiming that it was just an accounting glitch and that they'd get paid soon. Everyone keeps working because they're dedicated to the project, and then as soon as it delivered, they were all laid off without pay. The company then declared bankrupcy, and then restarted with the same owners, same equipment, same technology. Over a million dollars has been owed collectively to the artists for almost 2 years now, and at this point Discovery Communications has probably spent more than a million on laywers to avoid paying it, and to cover the story up in the media by intimidating anyone who covers it, threatening to pull advertising, etc.

 

http://www.fxguide.com/qt/1337/another-unpaid-workers-updateMore recently, the company has offered the workers 45%, then 63% of the total owed, not including overtime, which is an incredibly insulting offer. It was unanimously turned down by the former employees. The story is still ongoing at this point.

[David Rakoczy]

Agreements and Contracts are breached all the time. There are no guarantees in anything (with a couple exceptions) ... however, the more you cover your ass the better. Wouldn't you agree? Wouldn't it be better if you and the producer had a signed agreement stating your rate, hours, overtime (if any)... etc...etc.. before you started working?... rather than nothing but what each 'recalls' from a brief phone conversation? At least you'll have 'some' leg to stand on...

 

Seems like an obvious, responsible business practice to me....

[Scott Fritzshall]

It's certainly a good idea, and I'm not disagreeing with you that one should have a contract or deal memo or whatever. But this doesn't prevent people from taking the money and running, even when it's seven figures from hundreds of people as in my example. If the people with the money want to screw you over, they're probably going to get their way, because they're the ones with the money.

[Robin R Probyn]

It's certainly a good idea, and I'm not disagreeing with you that one should have a contract or deal memo or whatever. But this doesn't prevent people from taking the money and running, even when it's seven figures from hundreds of people as in my example. If the people with the money want to screw you over, they're probably going to get their way, because they're the ones with the money.

 

 

Had exact the same with company going bankrupt... very little u can do... gov get their money first.. and then bank..! then company re starts.. new name.. same scum..

 

I think there are very few businesses that operate on such a level of trust... (see the excellent Client relationship video).. so at least once everyone in this business is going to get stung.. I wish mine had only been $500.

 

Only really safe way... cash for film/tapes... but in reality this is a pretty hard road to go.

[Annie Wengenroth]

Okay, a few things...

 

1. Freya: If you really want to help me magically change my financial situation, be my guest. I get what you're saying, but in this economy, it's a hell of a lot harder than it sounds!

 

2. Jon Rosenbloom: (did I get that right? I'm sorry, I suck at names) I know that what you're really saying is, "You're better than these a$$holes" but whenever people mention me being in the union with the implication of, "What the f*ck are you doing on these crappy little jobs?" I cringe and die a little inside. I have not had the best luck with union work. For all practical purposes I really should just take it out of my goddamn signature. I joined before I should have...I had the money, but all my connections were just little bullsh*t fluff schmoozes leftover from working at CSC. I've pretty much given up on trying to get work as a union loader. It's just not where I landed when I jumped into this business and if I were meant to have gone down that road, it would've happened already. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. All those people are gonna hire who they're gonna hire, and odds are it'll either be 1) some totally green kid fresh out of Panavision who they can mold into whatever they want, or 2) someone they have worked with for years. I am in neither of these categories. Like I said, I'm being real. And in all honesty, I don't even care anymore. I refuse to waste energy on a bad decision that I made 3 years ago. I take the work that comes to me. This stupid f*cking sh*tty job, in all of its dysfunction, is what came to me. I took it. I had to...there was nothing else.

 

3. David Rakoczy: No poop I should've had a deal memo. And when I first started working with these guys, they paid me at the end of the work week, just as they promised...so I didn't think this would become such a massive issue.

 

For all of you telling me it's "just $500", I'm sorry, but are you f*cking serious? You know, not everyone is lucky enough to make that amount in ONE day on a union commercial as a loader. For me, $500 is A THIRD of my average monthly income. Like okay... I'm just gonna throw it out there: I WORK ON poop JOBS FOR poop PAY. Am I better than that? I don't even know anymore. It doesn't even matter. That's a different thread for a different time with a different amount of alcohol in my system, aka a lot. I'm really sick of having these conversations with people. If I could magically erase one single decision out of the many which I have had to make since moving to this city to work in this godforsaken business, it would be signing that stupid paperwork for the union. It has done f*ck all for me. I am out of that loop. Short of starting over, it is doubtful that I will get IN to that loop. Do I want to start over? F*ck no. Like I said, in 3 years I'll be 30 and I would rather have my eyes gouged out with a rusty fork than go back to destroying myself for 8 dollars an hour at CSC or any other rental house.

 

That's pretty much the bottom line. This isn't just some isolated incident of, "Oh no, look, Annie got screwed over by a bunch of sh*thead cheapskates. Such is the way of the indie film industry." This, for me, is the icing on the goddamn cake, and it has pushed me over the edge. Maybe that makes me a weak person. I don't know and at this point, I don't care anymore. In the sense of operating differently from here on out, yes, I will "learn" from this. But in the sense of letting that money slip away, no, I can't just let it slide. Deal memo or not, I don't deserve this. Union or not, I don't deserve this. I worked for them for a certain rate, for a certain number of days, and apparently in New York City, a verbal contract will stand up in court. If that's the way it goes, then I refuse to waste a goddamn minute beating myself up for not having a deal memo or for taking a job like this in the first place. I look forward to that beautiful day when I no longer have to act out of desperation just to make a f*cking living. If anyone else wants to come forth and tell me how the hell I'm supposed to be doing any better, be my guest.

 

You want "professional" conduct? Tell that to the producer who said he would pay me, and I quote, "when I feel like it." Tell that to the director who insisted we shoot for 12 hours in a torrential downpour on the side of a f*cking highway with no permits. You know, if this had happened on either side of tons of well-paying work with good people, that would be one thing...but instead it stretched out over the course of one of the slowest and loneliest summers that I have had in years. NOT FUN. This industry is destroying me. I can't deal with this anymore. I don't want a situation like this to be the reason that I walk away from it and do something else with my life that isn't such a f*cking grind, but man, I don't know.

[Robin R Probyn]

Hi Annie

 

Have you tried writing... seriously Iam not taking the piss... still a hard grind to get started... etc but your original dairy was really a great read..

 

 

 

Okay, a few things...

 

1. Freya: If you really want to help me magically change my financial situation, be my guest. I get what you're saying, but in this economy, it's a hell of a lot harder than it sounds!

 

2. Jon Rosenbloom: (did I get that right? I'm sorry, I suck at names) I know that what you're really saying is, "You're better than these a$$holes" but whenever people mention me being in the union with the implication of, "What the f*ck are you doing on these crappy little jobs?" I cringe and die a little inside. I have not had the best luck with union work. For all practical purposes I really should just take it out of my goddamn signature. I joined before I should have...I had the money, but all my connections were just little bullsh*t fluff schmoozes leftover from working at CSC. I've pretty much given up on trying to get work as a union loader. It's just not where I landed when I jumped into this business and if I were meant to have gone down that road, it would've happened already. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. All those people are gonna hire who they're gonna hire, and odds are it'll either be 1) some totally green kid fresh out of Panavision who they can mold into whatever they want, or 2) someone they have worked with for years. I am in neither of these categories. Like I said, I'm being real. And in all honesty, I don't even care anymore. I refuse to waste energy on a bad decision that I made 3 years ago. I take the work that comes to me. This stupid f*cking sh*tty job, in all of its dysfunction, is what came to me. I took it. I had to...there was nothing else.

 

3. David Rakoczy: No poop I should've had a deal memo. And when I first started working with these guys, they paid me at the end of the work week, just as they promised...so I didn't think this would become such a massive issue.

 

For all of you telling me it's "just $500", I'm sorry, but are you f*cking serious? You know, not everyone is lucky enough to make that amount in ONE day on a union commercial as a loader. For me, $500 is A THIRD of my average monthly income. Like okay... I'm just gonna throw it out there: I WORK ON poop JOBS FOR poop PAY. Am I better than that? I don't even know anymore. It doesn't even matter. That's a different thread for a different time with a different amount of alcohol in my system, aka a lot. I'm really sick of having these conversations with people. If I could magically erase one single decision out of the many which I have had to make since moving to this city to work in this godforsaken business, it would be signing that stupid paperwork for the union. It has done f*ck all for me. I am out of that loop. Short of starting over, it is doubtful that I will get IN to that loop. Do I want to start over? F*ck no. Like I said, in 3 years I'll be 30 and I would rather have my eyes gouged out with a rusty fork than go back to destroying myself for 8 dollars an hour at CSC or any other rental house.

 

That's pretty much the bottom line. This isn't just some isolated incident of, "Oh no, look, Annie got screwed over by a bunch of sh*thead cheapskates. Such is the way of the indie film industry." This, for me, is the icing on the goddamn cake, and it has pushed me over the edge. Maybe that makes me a weak person. I don't know and at this point, I don't care anymore. In the sense of operating differently from here on out, yes, I will "learn" from this. But in the sense of letting that money slip away, no, I can't just let it slide. Deal memo or not, I don't deserve this. Union or not, I don't deserve this. I worked for them for a certain rate, for a certain number of days, and apparently in New York City, a verbal contract will stand up in court. If that's the way it goes, then I refuse to waste a goddamn minute beating myself up for not having a deal memo or for taking a job like this in the first place. I look forward to that beautiful day when I no longer have to act out of desperation just to make a f*cking living. If anyone else wants to come forth and tell me how the hell I'm supposed to be doing any better, be my guest.

 

You want "professional" conduct? Tell that to the producer who said he would pay me, and I quote, "when I feel like it." Tell that to the director who insisted we shoot for 12 hours in a torrential downpour on the side of a f*cking highway with no permits. You know, if this had happened on either side of tons of well-paying work with good people, that would be one thing...but instead it stretched out over the course of one of the slowest and loneliest summers that I have had in years. NOT FUN. This industry is destroying me. I can't deal with this anymore. I don't want a situation like this to be the reason that I walk away from it and do something else with my life that isn't such a f*cking grind, but man, I don't know.